elementalhero: lelouch in a fancy hat with a monocle (i am not prince hamlet nor was meant to)
[personal profile] elementalhero
Once upon a time, two years ago, Gramma Random promised someone she'd write them a drabble in a Christmas drabble meme. Of course, Gramma Random is full of it, and never wrote it in time for the 2009 season, or even 2010's. However, this year, she finally completed it - except it isn't really a drabble, which is probably why the dang thing took so long.

Without further ado...

"The Night Lelouch Stole Christmas"

Now, the Brits in Britannia loved Christmas a lot
But Lelouch, who lived far east of Britannia, did not
He wanted to send a harsh message to those
Who felt they could plunder and kill as they chose
“Why should they,” said he, “feast upon Christmas goose
“While Elevens are handed this uneven truce?
“The hypocrisy makes my hands clench in rage!”
Lelouch stood dramatically, as if on a stage.
“We must bring an end to all this tyranny!
“We must take a stand against Christmas!” said he.
And so Lelouch put on his cape and black mask
And pondered what means lay near to his grasp—
The means by which Christmas would come to an end.
He grinned to himself—“Why, I’ll just ask my friends!”
So Zero that night gave the Black Knights a job
A task that he promised would bring down the mob
A mission so great, they’d go down in the books
As heroes with steel-coated nerves and good looks.
“My friends!” Zero shouted to make himself heard—
The room then fell silent; no one said a word.
“Britannians tonight must fear our strong arm
“We’ll steal their security and do them great harm.
“We must strike at something they love and hold dear—
“A day that they cherish and wait for all year:
“Yes, Christmas itself is our target tonight!
“My friends, this is our chance to set some things right!
“We’ll strike at their trees first, their tall evergreens
“And remind them that we’re about ends, and not means.
“Now retire to your cabins—tomorrow we strike!”
With that, Zero left them, to plot as he liked.
Now, Kallen would not think quite much of this plan
Except that it came from her miracle man
So despite her misgivings, she mounted her Knightmare
And thought to herself, “Well, it’s not like I care
“A great deal about what the Britannians do.
“If Zero thinks it’s gonna help, then it’s true.”
Meanwhile, at Ashford, a party was brewing
Milly was baking, and cooking, and stewing
All sorts of delicious holiday food
While Shirley did her very best not to brood
On one of her classmates, suspiciously absent.
“Maybe,” she sighed, “ he won’t like my present.
“Maybe I’m doomed to be lonely forever.”
“Lovesickness is easy in cold wintry weather,”
Said Nunnally with an encouraging smile.
“My brother will surely arrive in a while.”
Of course, this came true, save maybe not quite
The way that Nunnally imagined it might.
For right at that moment, a holiday squad
Of Black Knights were creeping across Ashford’s quad.
“Since children will care about Christmas the most,
“A school’s the best target for Yule trees to roast!”
Said Diethard, who didn’t believe in Saint Nick
And felt that it all was just a great trick,
Commercial and cloying and creepy and crass,
So they led the Black Knights on to kick Christmas ass.
Zero their leader was in his best form
Gesturing and shouting as if to keep warm:
“On Kallen! On Ougi, and that guy with blue hair!
“Tamaki, Rakshata –Black Knights everywhere!
“We’ll burn their trees ‘til the smoke scorches the sky,
“Onward! Fight for freedom! Nippon Banzai!”
The soldiers stormed into the high school’s great halls
They blew open doors and scaled the high walls
They seized all the trappings of Chistmas in sight
Green streamers, red stockings and strings of white lights.
They raided the kitchen to see what to take
And Tamaki made off with the Christmas cake.
The students were terrified out of their heads
They didn’t expect to be pulled from their beds
On Christmas Eve by a squad of guerillas
Who looked like they might be quite ruthless killers.
Soon, Ashford School was in great disarray
They feared that no one would come save the day –
But then! – on the rooftop! – a shadowy figure
Leapt down and ran to give chase all the quicker
“Who is that?” “Is it Santa?” The rumors took wing
They didn’t know who would do such a great thing
Zero took notice and barked out an order:
“Capture that Kringle! Back him into a corner!”
But the Black Knights were helpless against his onslaught
He had moves like a ninja, and, well, they did not.
The savior of Christmas could never be halted
With spin-kicks and wall-scaling jumps, he assaulted
Like some kind of insane martial arts wack-oo
Then the kids realized, “Oh, it’s just Suzaku.”

(“But that doesn’t even rhyme!” Rivalz complained loudly. He was immediately hushed and his speaking parts were revoked for the remainder of the poem.)

Despite his best efforts, he was soon outmanned,
Restrained and put with the other students to stand.
Their op’ration successful, the Black Knights all cheered
Though privately, some still felt a bit weird
About disrupting a perfectly fine holiday
But right then, Zero appeared to say:
“Britannians! Behold our Yule wrath, and despair!
“The Black Knights shall push you back e’rywhere!
“Your colonialism’s no match for our zeal!
“Cultural hegemony’s a very big deal,
“So we reject your commercial endeavors!
“Your cookies and fruitcakes and bad Christmas sweaters!
“Now gaze on this pile and cower in fright
“As we set your holiday trappings alight!”
With that, Zero gestured, sweeping and grand
And the Black Knights pulled up, flamethrowers in hand.
They lit up the mountain of trees, wreaths, and ribbons,
Sleigh bells and pinecones and Christmas-y cribbings.
The flames flickered before the faces
Of students, none of which held any traces
Of terror: just sadness and confusion.
They all felt disheartened and disillusioned.
Even Lelouch was starting to think
That this fine plan of his had a chink:
And just when this thought had occurred to the guy,
Suzaku stood up, Zero’s plot to decry:
“Just what do you think that you’ve gained here?
“You’ve burned up some junk, destroyed holiday cheer—
“Yeah, I don’t celebrate Christmas myself,
“But sometimes it’s best to put pride on the shelf,
“To make merry with friends and sing all together
“To brave out this dark gloomy wintery weather.
“That’s the true meaning of this whole season,
“No matter what holiday or for what reason:
“Just once a year, we can pretend it’s okay
“That peace and harmony are here to stay.
“It gives people hope in times of distress:
“So what are you doing by making a mess?
“I thought that you guys defended the weak,
“But all you have done is show off a mean streak.”
Then Suzaku folded his arms in defiance.
“Instead, why don’t we try a Christmas alliance?”
The Black Knights all turned their heads to their boss.
How would he react to this moral loss?
Zero stood there, pond’ring a while
And finally said, “You’re right! This was hostile!
“It isn’t Christmas that hasn’t done right!
“Hypocrisy is our real foe tonight,
“A foe which had grievously led me awry
“Which is why I am sorry—I’d like to retry
“A better course of holiday action.”
He jumped from his Knightmare with great satisfaction.
“Let’s bring out some turkeys and roast them outside,
“And boil up some cocoa on these fires misapplied.
“Black Knights, if you like, you can stay or go
“Be with your families or play in the snow.”
And so, the spirit of Christmas came through
Black Knights and Britannians alike made do
With pine-scented turkey and campfire cocoa
It was a bit awkward at first; even so,
They called Holiday Truce and made themselves merry,
For Milly found eggnog and some cooking sherry.
The students were happy to have a great story
To tell of their dangerous holiday glory:
The year they broke bread with the fearsome Black Knights
Though all was not calm, it all sure was bright.
“I can’t believe Lelouch missed out on this,”
Shirley said unhappily; her chance had been missed
To catch him beneath some flaming mistletoe.
Although, strangely, at that moment, Zero
Managed to drop an uncharred gift
At her feet while dashing (not very swift-
ly) into his Knightmare, a getaway chase.
Knightpolice finally heard that this place
Was harboring Black Knights and unwanted types
So they all had to run or they’d wear prison stripes.
But they heard him exclaim, as the Knightmares drove faster:
“Merry Christmas to all! Except Charles, that bastard!”


Have a great holiday!
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