ARGLEBLARGH + Postpartum Depression
Sep. 19th, 2007 09:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elementalheroNO I'M NOT PREGNANT.
But before I get to that, I have to mention that I upgraded to a Plus account.GAWD, I'M A CAPITALIST SELLOUT. But I really wanted more userpics...
So, anyway, I finished the prologue to that fic I was angsting about last entry, and I fired it off to all my betas. But then as soon as I did that, I had a printed out version to give to Loren at school (because I like getting critiqued in pen. It's cooler.), and I read it over that night and I woke up this morning and thought,
"Oh, god. I phail."
Because suddenly, I don't like it.
Well, no. I still like it. I put my sweat and blood into that prologue, and I like it. But I was no longer...proud of it. And all day, all I could think about was how much my betas were going to hate it, and what a jerkface I was for asking around for betas like some whiny little kid, and how all I could think about was me and my needs when everyone else has just as much on their plates as I do, and how I almost missed my journaism deadline because I'm a lazyass, and how I can't seem to be able to do anything without all this saccharine encouragement from other people and I can't do that big hugeass hallelujah in the song we're doing for District Chorus and I fought with my younger sister today and I stepped on the top step (we're revarnishing the steps) and it's my mom's birthday and I didn't care and I'm just a total scumbag, okay???
But seriously, all it took was the slightest self-doubt to ruin my day. How will I make it as a real author when critics are raining genuine criticism at me? Will I go home and emo on my future!LiveJournal? Will I cry??? What is wrong with me?
I looked up postpartum depression online, and it says that sometimes mothers will experience severe mood swings after giving birth, especially in times of stress. And my moods were swinging on a dime today. So maybe this fic is my babythat I had with Riku lol.
I even forgot to talk like a pirate.
There is only one word for today, and it is ARGLEBLARGH.
But before I get to that, I have to mention that I upgraded to a Plus account.
So, anyway, I finished the prologue to that fic I was angsting about last entry, and I fired it off to all my betas. But then as soon as I did that, I had a printed out version to give to Loren at school (because I like getting critiqued in pen. It's cooler.), and I read it over that night and I woke up this morning and thought,
"Oh, god. I phail."
Because suddenly, I don't like it.
Well, no. I still like it. I put my sweat and blood into that prologue, and I like it. But I was no longer...proud of it. And all day, all I could think about was how much my betas were going to hate it, and what a jerkface I was for asking around for betas like some whiny little kid, and how all I could think about was me and my needs when everyone else has just as much on their plates as I do, and how I almost missed my journaism deadline because I'm a lazyass, and how I can't seem to be able to do anything without all this saccharine encouragement from other people and I can't do that big hugeass hallelujah in the song we're doing for District Chorus and I fought with my younger sister today and I stepped on the top step (we're revarnishing the steps) and it's my mom's birthday and I didn't care and I'm just a total scumbag, okay???
But seriously, all it took was the slightest self-doubt to ruin my day. How will I make it as a real author when critics are raining genuine criticism at me? Will I go home and emo on my future!LiveJournal? Will I cry??? What is wrong with me?
I looked up postpartum depression online, and it says that sometimes mothers will experience severe mood swings after giving birth, especially in times of stress. And my moods were swinging on a dime today. So maybe this fic is my baby
There is only one word for today, and it is ARGLEBLARGH.
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no subject
Date: 2007-09-23 04:32 am (UTC)That's okay~ :D; There's always good old eljay. ♥
no subject
Date: 2007-09-23 04:52 am (UTC)