RANDOM IS THE COOLEST PERSON EVER

I AM A GOD.  SASUKE IS SAVED!!!

Yesterday, at about 9:30-ish p.m.

Me, on phone withjaderhade :  "I don't know what I'm going to do.  I'm so scared.  At this point, I don't care what I have to do.  I'll run every antivirus program I can get.  I'll back up the hard drive as best I can and reboot.  I'll give up all my Internet music.  I'l take him to a technician.  I'll disassemble him.  I WILL BREAK EVERY BONE IN HIS BODY AND DRAG HIM BACK HOME, BUT I WON'T LOSE SASUKE TO A THUG LIKE THIS VIRUS!!!!!!!!!"

jaderhade : "........."

me: "......oh, god, there should be a law against being this Narutarded."

McAfee helped out a lot:, 10 pm to 12:30 am:

me: "GO, GO, MCAFEE ANTI-VIRUS SCAN!!!  ROUT THE ENEMY!  DEFEAT THE OPPONENTS SOUNDLY IN THE....SKIRMISH!"

McAfee: *quarantines problem program, but is unable to clean/delete it*

me:  D8

I use my fancy human brain to assert control over the machine:

(this part is impossible to convey in lame script format)

Basically, what it was doing was putting up one of those lamesocks program windows that is automatically in the center of your screen and unable to close out and overlaps all windows you try to bring up.  I right-clicked the fake window-thing and selected "Properties."  That gave me the name of the source file: "sysguard."  I then went on a scavenger hunt in the depths of the computer source files and found the program hiding in the WINDOWS folder. Windows XP tried to warn me, saying that if I tampered with any files in that area, I could cripple Sasuke for the rest of his electronic life.  But since I knew what I was looking for, I found "sysguard" (which, in tile view, had an icon indicating it was some sort of code-program-file-thingy).

I sent it to the Recycle Bin.  And then I right-clicked the Recycle Bin and clicked "Empty Recycle Bin," because otherwise, it would be taking up unnecessary space.  In short, I killed it.  (YGO:TAS REF FTW)

Then, just to make sure, I restarted Sasuke and ran McAfee one last time.  Clean.  As of 1:00 am, I have successfully beaten a virus ALL BY MYSELF.  ME.  WITHOUT ANY SORT OF COMPUTER COUSE UNDER MY BELT EXCEPT A CRAPPY BASIC COURSE I HAD TO TAKE IN FRESHMAN YEAR.

Marco's Irony Gods take a swipe:

me: "I MUST SHARE MY GLORIOUS TRIUMPH WITH THE REST OF THE INTARWEBZ!!!  :DDDD"

Internet: *is out because family DSL is out*

me: D8

(Speaking of Marco and his Irony Gods, I will probably be spazzing about Animorphs, coming soon to a post near you)