One Last Meme...

[elementalhero]

Stolen from digthenym :

Okay, flist, time to get constructive and critical... but nicely, please.

Pick one piece of fanfiction I've written.  I'll tell you one thing I didn't like about it, one thing I did and one thing I wish I would have done differently.  Then, you give me one thing you didn't like, one thing you liked and one comment about it.  The comment can be a question or in general remark or whatever you want.  Post this in your journal so I can do the same.

Comments

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Insominac, please.

[digthenym.livejournal.com]

Those Who Favor Fire! 8D

[okroginator.livejournal.com]

One thing I didn't like about it

The Uchiha massacre was much too weak. It was supposed to be the emotional climax, but I feel like it was overshadowed by the scene before it of Shisui's death. Which I am proud of, but for all the effort I put into a rising action scene, I could have tried harder with the climax. Unless you choose to see Shisui's death as the climax and the massacre as falling action, a consequence of Itachi's first fall from grace, but that wasn't my original intention.

One thing I liked

I liked Shisui's death scene. A lot. I also liked, during the massacre, the interruption of Itachi's usual mantra of "I'm not here," with, "I'm here. I can't do this," regarding Sasuke. It was one of the best things I've ever done with a motif, in any work.

One thing I would have done differently

I'm not sure I like that it took so much from the source material (Fight Club). Looking back, I feel that I could have been much more original and still captured the feel of Palahniuk's style. It would have been harder, yeah, but...

[okroginator.livejournal.com]

One thing I didn't like about it

Not too sure I liked the Madara and Zetsu scene; their voices were hard to pin down. I didn't like the way I wrote it.

One thing I liked

The "forward" segment ("Forward. [...], the only direction you can be sure of is forward."). It's a motif/theme. And it's gonna be a DAMN GOOD ONE.

One thing I'd do differently

It's written in past tense, but lately, I've been getting very good at present tense. I wish I could go back and redo it all in present tense. But I won't now that I've started it. >C

(BTW, Nym, I have a beta for this story, but I could always use a third or fourth opinion on anything and everything to make sure it's top quality. Do you want to help beta it?)

[digthenym.livejournal.com]

In response to your replies :o)

-Madara is such an intimidating character--so much so that I'm probably never going to try writing him if I can help it. There's just so many layers to him--and those are just the ones that the readers can be sure about at this point in the series *shifty eyes* but I think that for the brief appearance they made, they certainly didn't seem OOC to me :o)

-That part had such a creepy/foreboding feel to it! Really captured the doom mood, if that makes any sense?

-Oh god, tenses are my NIGHTMARE. They have to be the worst part of writing for me, since my mind for some reason only writes default in the present tense and sometimes I screw up on the transition.

My turn :o)

One thing I liked

I like that you can tell, just by the first chapter, that this is going to be a very character-intensive piece and that you've put a TON of thought into word choice/structure/setting/voice. It really shows :o)

One thing I didn't

NO ITACHI X SAKURA

NEED MOAR TO REEEEAAAAD XD This was a prologue, so I feel like I've got the sense of the story, but it ends on a bit of a cliffhanger XDD

Question!

Are you going to work a Team 7/Itachi friendship angle into it? If not, who are the main characters Itachi is going to be interacting with (if that's okay for me to know XD)

I would love to help beta for you! My email's the same as my AIM 8DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I liked Shisui's death scene. A lot.

Oooh, same here. With the bubbles and the sharingan flashing red and black... it was very intense. And this seems obvious, but I loved the Anko/Itachi. This was what got me into that ship. My favorite bit was Itachi punching her and then Itachi lighting her cigarette.

What I didn't like was what you would have done differently: it took way to much from the source material. When I read your commentary I was like 'oh' and the fic, in my mind, was less an original fanfic and more you retelling Fight Club in Naruto-verse.

Comment: I don't know if I've asked you this before but how did you get the idea for Anko/Itachi?

[okroginator.livejournal.com]

When I read your commentary I was like 'oh' and the fic, in my mind, was less an original fanfic and more you retelling Fight Club in Naruto-verse.

Exactly. I honestly wish I hadn't been so derivative. Looking back, I remember my head wasn't in the best place, creativity-wise, and I had lost a lot of confidence in my writing ability.

I got the idea for Anko/Itachi...honestly, it was purely by chance. I had been brainstorming up a bunch of one-shot ideas by putting my iPod on shuffle and writing a summary based on the song I heard (something I often do). When MCR's Kill All Your Friends came on, I was strongly reminded of Itachi, but I also felt like the song itself sounded reminiscent of a pairing. I went through a list of "people to pair Itachi with for great lulz" in my mind, and picked Anko. XD That's all there was. It was only when I started writing that I realized how well they meshed and how much they had in common.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

I honestly wish I hadn't been so derivative. Looking back, I remember my head wasn't in the best place, creativity-wise, and I had lost a lot of confidence in my writing ability.

I've been there. And it's not like you can never go back and rewrite it (although I kind of have an 'it's the past, leave it' attitude towards me fics once I hit post.')

I got the idea for Anko/Itachi...honestly, it was purely by chance.

The lulz can lead us to great places.

[okroginator.livejournal.com]

I kind of have an 'it's the past, leave it' attitude towards me fics once I hit post.'

Same here. Though for me it's more about the emotional strain of going through something that was hard to do again. Also, I tend to view my past stuff as snapshots of my writing at a point in time, kind of like a museum of me.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Good way of putting it.