elementalhero | why so much emo?

I don't know. Just, I don't know.

More and more often, I just feel like I suck. All the time. I don't want to be near people, yet I crave human contact and the feeling that there's someone who genuinely wants to be around me and misses me when I'm gone.

I described it over the phone to my best friend like a cancer of the soul.

Like, you know how skin cancer happens when the sun's rays hit your skin cells and break the hydrogen bonds of your DNA? And they come back together, but sometimes they bond back together wrong and the cells freak out and multiply like crazy and bam! instant melanoma? Like that?

It's the same concept, I think. Every day, people are exposed to negatve comments and feelings and events that make you feel bad or sad or angry, and your soul just kinda breaks apart in some places, but puts itself back together so you can feel normal again later. But I think somehow, along the line, I've exposed myself to so much emotional shit, or let the ever-present shit get to me too much because I can't wall myself off from feelings like a lot of people can, that my soul came back together wrong. And that little flaw of bad feeling or self-loathing or whatever has been growing and growing and feeding off any negativity I feel or hear or see. I have a soul tumor.

I don't know if there's some sort of spiritual chemotherapy for that.