Another Irish Drinking Song

Of course I would finally figure out how to end my three-quarters-finished short story and then realize it's stagnating and I don't know how to move the action there. It's due tomorrow, by the way.

/stares moodily at blinking cursor



On a positive note, I now have shiny Danger Days icons. mmmmmm MCR...

I miss college. I am reaching the point where I am starting to wonder if the whole thing wasn't just a very detailed, lengthy lucid dream I had. The nightmare I had last week is weighing heavily on my mind. I hate this job. Not even the work itself is the worst, though it is awful - no, what I hate is what I feel I am losing. Creativity. Drive. Days of life. This is my last year as a "teenager," and I have barely seen the sun so far. You start to realize how people can spend thirty-five years working this shit job in this shit place, and that's because you get so tired, so worn, so hurt, that it's easier to sit and stay than to get up and run and never come back.

I want to go out somewhere. I want to do all the stupid, ill-advised things I've spent my entire life being too sensible to do. I want to laugh and run and hope and reach out and grasp the stars in my fist. When Sean and I were dating the winter of my junior year, he promised me that he'd show me how to break into the middle school and climb onto the roof once summer came. We broke up in February and that never happened, obviously. I wish it had happened. I wish I could just get out. Eight months away at school and I'd managed to forget how stifling this town is, how stunted your dreams become because of the size of the planter they're grown in. It's worse because I feel like I caught a whiff, a taste of the Big Wide Open World, before coming back here and chaining myself to this job.

I'm quitting after the first week in August. I'm squeezing a summer into those three weeks thereafter, and then I go back to school. I'm not stuck here. I'm not going to be working at Offset forever. But it feels like I am. Deep in my heart, it feels like the past six-seven weeks have been a lifetime, and I've got another lifetime ahead before it's done. I can't imagine what it's like not to have an escape route. When you're little, and your parents say that education will open doors, you don't realize what they mean because you've never gotten a glimpse of what it's like to be stuck behind when the doors shut. I've seen it. It scares the fucking shit out of me. I try to commiserate with my mom, but she has little sympathy for me. I can't honestly blame her. I've had a great life. I'm not going to be throwing bundles for thirty-five years. I know all this. But there's knowing and then there's feeling, and right now, I feel a nameless terror at the sight of adulthood, nearing and leering ever closer to me. My feet ache. My shoulders ache. My head aches. My heart aches. I can barely write anymore.

At this point, I don't even give a shit about the money. I want out. I want out.

Why do I get so many headaches anymore :c And my throat kills. I think it's my allergies cranking up. ffffffuuuuuuuu


I got moar dragons, SOMEONE PULL ME AWAY FROM THIS SITE WTF:

Okay, let's do this thing. /headband on

( I actually didn't read the spoilers, so MY SURPRISE IS NOT FEIGNED O: )

We were so cloooooooooooooooose.

My laptop is dying. I've got it on life support right now but I don't know what's going to happen to it. This is why I haven't been on much lately. Will keep you all posted.

So, usually when I get my period, I have some bad cramps and often minor digestive issues for the first couple days, and then I'm okay.

Today, I can't even walk without severe discomfort and/or pain.

My cramps are so bad that all the joints in my legs hurt, my back feels like I tried to lift something heavy, and the pills, they do nothing.

And you know what, that wouldn't be so bad by itself. I've had severe cramping before.

But either I caught a bug that just happened to coincide with my menstrual cycle, or my hormones are trying to dissolve all my organs, because to put it this way, I have been on and off the toilet for twenty minutes at a time for the past three hours.

I skipped my Sociology class. I am in the middle of missing the second-to-last rehearsal before our chorus concert (:C), and I plan to miss the two-hour martial arts training session, because I literally cannot walk more than twenty steps before having to run to a bathroom or just collapse with pain.

This is the worst day ever.

My headache is starting to feel better, but I think that's because my left eye is finally wearing off. Hopefully my goddamn right contact will fricking work tonight so I don't have mismatched vision again tomorrow, because I refuse to have such a crappy day ever again if I can help it.

SO IT'S MEME TIME!

Both stolen from and_sparks_fly:

DESKTOP MEME

• Anyone who looks at this entry has to post this meme and their current wallpaper on their LiveJournal.
• Explain in five sentences why you're using that wallpaper!
• Don't change your wallpaper before doing this! The point is to see what you had on!

( lalalalala )

ALSO!

Step 1: Put your MP3 player or whatever music player you have on random.
Step 2: Post a line/stanza from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Bold the songs when someone guesses correctly. (No Cheating)

( my brain may hurt too much for this )

Ungh, in the time it took for me to write this entry, my headache fully returned thanks to the people next door turning on the stereo, and my roommate getting back and getting on the phone with someone in Korean. Let me tell you something about native Korean speakers. Unlike the flowing, syllabic Japanese language, or the sharp, vowel/intonation-intense Chinese language, the Korean language as it is spoken by a native speaker sounds like someone dumped a bunch of misshapen, hybrid vowels and choppy consonants into a blender, pureed them, and then spoke the resulting words while dribbling a strawberry smoothie out of their mouth.

Seriously, I don't know how a human throat can make spoken words sound like the sound you make when you choke on something liquid, like bouillabaisse. Or barf. It drives me insane. Yes, I am aware I sound like an uncultured asshole. But I am an uncultured asshole with a huge headache.

hnnnnnnnnnngh I have this massive, massive headache because my right contact isn't working and so I'm near-sighted in my right eye and perfectly sighted in my left eye, and it's giving me this splitting headache right down the middle of my forehead. I took some acetaminophen about an hour ago, and that helped, but I can feel them slowly wearing off. Also, my stomach feels funny. :C

I just....there are a lot of things I want to say, but this headache is preventing any kind of complex thoughts from forming.